Looking back

Do you ever just cringe when you look back and think about some of the really stupid things you’ve said and done in the past? When you look back at a situation or event and you think to yourself; gosh, I’ve just made a permanent imprint on that person’s brain and I know they are going to think I’m stupid for the rest of their lives ( like being thought of as stupid is the worst thing in the world, right?)

What irks me about these “random acts of stupidity” is that they typically occur when the stakes are very high. In an interview or when you’re out scouting for a potential mate (yep, I did it, I just made dating sound weird). Anyway, what usually happens is that at the moment you say or do this stupid thing you might not even realise the blunder, and then one sleepless night your brain will magically decide to rewind….or to sound a bit more “sophisticated” - your brain will decide to “reflect” and revisit this horrible incident. This is one of the reasons why insomniacs are generally very unbalanced; their brains are on overdrive with no hope for rest whatsoever (I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that you should not knowingly court or marry an insomniac....they bring nothing but trouble)

As usual, I digress.....for me these aforementioned blunders tend to happen when I’m in a hurry, I’m thinking too fast or am facing some sort of external stimuli that is maybe just an iota more than what my brain can handle. I mean, I get physically sick when I think of how stupid I can be sometimes (my gut feels weird and my heart beats super quickly at the thought of these stupid moments). It's always fun to look at others and comment on their level of stupidity but I don't deal well when the tables are turned (I know, I know,  I'm just a typical, flawed, mere mortal)

This brings me to my next question: you know how people say first impressions last? Is there anything that could be so damaging that you could not recover from it? I’m inclined to say no because I’m an optimist at heart and I like to think that the world is perfect and people are forgiving and all; but at the same time I cannot help but wander! There are certain things which others have said to me and I've made a complete judgement of them based on those things. I’m not saying my perception of the person would forever be tarnished but sometimes  I may find it a bit more difficult to interact with the person in the future.

Now this is pretty scary if you think about the implications, especially in high stake situations. It's a bit crazy that we attach can so much significance to any one event. Either way, I'm still a firm believer that nothing (short of death) is irreversible or permanent, so I guess all is well that ends well. 

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