This is NOT an open letter!
Remember that awkward period in history when writing open letters was a “thing”. Aren’t you glad those sad and dark times are over? But then of course, as human beings we quickly find ways to swap out our vices. As we clear away one vice, we simultaneously make path for new vices. Anyway, I’m going to make a swift segway to the real content behind this piece of writing. I wanted to write a letter to Mr Writer’s Block, informing him that our time together has come to an end (I can literally see you cringing and secretly thinking “really, Mr Writers Block? how lame). Well, to that I say: I know it's totally and completely lame, but I’m going to do it anyway. I’ve given so much disclaimer that by the time you actually read the letter you’ll be thinking to yourself: what was the post about again?
Dear Mr Block,
You are a good fella’, indeed you are. You are there when you have been summoned and invited, but you’re also there when no invitation has been extended. Clearly taking the saying: “in good times and bad times” close to your heart.
I have however, not been as honourable as you have been in this relationship. I’ve been sneaking around with other blokes behind your back. Like that time when you thought I was writing a "to-do" list but I was actually having fun with a few “sonnet” blokes. Or that time when I told you I had to go to work to “balance the books” when in actual fact I was partying and going all crazy with reports and emails. None of these methods of writing were ever as fulfilling to me as my old lover - creative writing (who, if you will remember, I left a few months ago to be in an exclusive, permanent relationship with you). I have been away from him for far too long and cannot bare a single more breath without him in my life. He is the one….always has been and always will be.
Now, I know that you are a shrewd man. A man of much manipulation and mind control, I just want you to know that I have made myself aware of all your childish tricks and consider myself “completely trick proof”. Please do not ask me out for a quick cup of coffee or lure me to the the ever so enticing land of cat videos and Victoria Secret model pictures…aka the internet. You are a grown man and I expect that through all the decades you have lived, you should now be quite skilled at accepting rejection.
I thank you kindly for understanding (as I am sure you will) that one cannot run away from ones' destiny!
Sincerely (with a big sigh of relieve)
Your former, ever so passionate lover.