Is it how good you are or how good you want to be?
Relationships are complex because humans are complex. No one person is completely bad or completely good. Good people sometimes do bad things and bad people sometimes do good things. This then begs the question of what constitutes a bad person afterall. I mean, we can get into the morality of good & evil and attempt to decipher this from that perspective but perhaps there is a simple alternative? One which can allow us to draw clear lines of distinction without having to delve deeper into questions of morality and inadvertently the meaning of life. Then again, why do we need classifications and categories? Why do we always feel the need to label and categorize things for them to 'matter'. Think about it, from the second you are born till your very last breath society finds a way to clearly and neatly categorise while inadvertently putting you in a box. You are either a boy or a girl, young or old, educated or uneducated, rich or poor, smart, elegant, tall, fat, black, classy, worthy.... you name it. Because of these false dichotomies we build around what is and what isn't, it becomes very difficult for us when we get into situations which aren't as clearly defined. If we only have two genders, what do we do about a heterosexual transgendered man who had a sex change? Or a dictator who is good for his nation as his policies provide for the nation which he leads, or a serial killer who is someone's son and therefore is deserving of love. If heterosexual males are supposed to have male organs, dictators are bad for their nations and serial killers are evil animals, what do we do with these grey areas?
I consider myself a good person in many respects (don't we all?). I then sometimes use this belief about myself as moral high ground to judge others (both consciously & unconsciously). The premise of my "goodness" is not always based on my actions but rather on my intentions. When I do terrible things, I don't immediately revoke my status of being "good", instead I hide behind the fact that although my actions were unbecoming, my intentions were good and my heart was in the right place (insert any self-indungently sentimental excuse). This distancing is sometimes at such a superficial level that thinking about it actually makes me cringe. The whole "they are bad and I am not like them therefore I am good" notion. Do you identify, dear reader?
I guess I'm writing this post as a reminder to us all that life is far more complex than we care to admit. At any point in time you are dealing with individuals who are 100% removed from who you are, with a set of different experiences, thoughts, dreams and desires. None of these individuals are an extention of you or who you are. So next time you feel inclined to mock, pass judgement, persecute and belittle.....HALT and rather go to compassion, forgiveness, empathy and love!